It's hard to explain now...

but my heart is BLEEDING.

Still, i know that God's grace is sufficient.

I will learn and i must learn to have faith.

Tomorrow will be  better day.

am back form Phils!

AYC has been good this year.

real good.

despite the humidity and heat

i had a great time.

two conductors

+

one choir

it was great for we've learnt a lot.

i've learnt to be more disciplined

in terms of time management 

and learning up my scores.

to be more confident in my singing

and to open up more.

i've made new found friends

whom i cherish

from the bottom of my heart.

unfortunately,

i also found friends 

who are not whom 

i thought they were.

still,

it has been a blessing

to be part of AYC this year.

I know i can do more in the near future.

but this will take a lot of

perseverance, practice, patience

and time!

21st June...Dad's birthday

we got home around 11pm and mom went to bed.

dad was watching World Cup on telly

while i was on Facebook-killing time.

when the clock struck 00:00

i greeted dad...

"happy birthday daddy!!!" i said in a wee bit too chirpy tone..

dad did not respond to the greeting.

his eyes were literally glued to the box...

he doesn't even flinch! lol.

oh, the wonders of football! 

i gave him his present and went to bed.

the morning itself was plain as usual.

normal routines for dad and mom...

just that this time, i did all the driving.

(yay!!!)

and for dad's birthday...i did something that i haven't done since 2003.

i played b.a.d.m.i.n.t.o.n.

yes, badminton...havent touched it in 7 years! (my fav number.lol.)

before we head out for the game, i told dad to open his present.

and he did...

(i bought him two armbands)

dad was happy when he opened it...i was on Facebook...

baking~

dad stood next to me and smiled. SHYLY...

"Ern. thank you."

and he leaned  forward ...and i stared at him.blanky.

it took me a spilt second to realize then,

dad was waiting for me to give him a kiss on the cheek!

and i did..."love you daddy." i grinned after that.

oh ,i have the cutest daddy ever! lol.

and i thought he wanted to give me a kiss instead cuz he loved the prezzie...

haha...but that's that.

i am thankful to have daddy and he's such a funny one.

20th June~

"hey daddy, happy father's day!" i hugged my dad.

he was holding his plate of food in the restaurant...too stunned to say anything.

everyone knew that i was coming back home...

well, everyone but dad.

dinner was held at Awana Kijal on 20th June

in conjunction of Father's day, Ta Yee's birthday

and also advanced birthday of my dad and cousin Andrew.

sean accompanied me for a walk by the pool before hand-

so that i wouldn't run into daddy at the restaurant.

after a text message from Rachel and a call from 5th aunt,

we proceeded to the dinner hall...

and yes...dad was all stunned...

i hugged him and kissed him twice on the cheek...

he just stared...and stared....and stared

and finally, he broke into a smile.

and i hugged him again.

"i love you daddy." 

dad was speechless still...

and it took him awhile to speak.

"when did you get back? who picked you up?"

"got back this morn at 4...Sean picked me up."

"mom knows you're back?" "yeah!"

dad got back to the table and everyone was grinning.

"oh, so you all know of her coming back except for me? all of you pakat, huh?"

"of course la. your daughther wants to give you surprise ma. not good meh? 

you surprise or not?"asked my 5th aunt.

dad smiled again. 

"yah, very surprised."

i was seated between daddy and second uncle and sean sits opposite me.

"imma gonna get some food." an i excused myself from the table.

"jie en ci, your dad's eyes were watery just now.hehe" cousin Rachel told me when we met at the appetizer counter. 

"Really?" i wimked at Rachel.

i took some salad for appetizers and a pita bread and some eggs.

"Ern. you're a very hardworking girl right?" asked second uncle.

"Erm...yeah i guess?" I answered, wondering why he asked such question.

then..."yik~" uncle's fork went straight into my round plate, picking the eggs that i took

"good then. i shall take these...and you can take some for yourself at your second serving later."

"oh....and do you see that?"

"see what?"

"that silver 'tong' there?"he pointed to the direction where the 'tong' lies.
 "yeah"

"good .help me get tea..."

i was stupefied...and then i broke into a laugh. 

he was too fast for me to comprehend what was going on.

and later when we came to dessert and fruits...

"Ern, you should take the honeydew later. It's really sweet." my uncle commented.

"Oh. Okay then."

"Two slices ya? I don't want to walk over to get. You go get."

[O.o]

"Okay!" 

and after dinner we had the cake cutting session...

EVERYBODY shared one cake...

and it's so heartwarming to see everyone so happy and chirpy...

lol

and guess what?

we sang Happy Birthday song in TUNE...

IN TUNE people!!!

 all in one key.yay!

and we took lotsa pics...

lots and lots of pics.

well, that was dinner on 20th June. 

walked along the highway at 8pm today...

what was my feeling?

scared...lonely...alone.

oh well, it wasn't a very far journey...

but yeah, i did walk alongside the highway.

after escorting the bunch of

difficult people back to their hotel, 

i walk off on my own to catch a bus.

so many things happened...

i felt so helpless and useless...

worse still i can't even defend myself.

sigh...

but God heard my cry...

i was walking along the highway

when i told him that 

i was tired...

and i feel so alone...

then the bus came...

at an odd hour: its not supposed to be there.

i felt better then...

cuz i know i am safe...

i can rest assure that 

I WILL GET HOME 

in

ONE PIECE.

and so, i give thanks for a safe night.

it's been Sooooo long...

it feels good to love

it feels good to care

it feels good to appreciate.

^^

i can finally get all these things

back into my system once more.

('',)

i love the feeling of love!

but hey...call me crazy...

but the world needs a lil...

love, care and hope.

i am nothing 

compared to my wonderful Lord.

but if i can share just a lil care...

i will be happy.

watch it~

it peeves me 

to see that you only say

"hi"

when you need something from me.

am just sick of all the hidden agendas.

all the fake greetings

(i am sorry to be judgemental..but that's how i feel)

all the motives that you have...

be it for good

or bad.

if it happens once in a while,

it can be overlooked.

but it's almost everyday?

boy do i wish you were wiser.

and i do hope i am not like dat as well.

s.c.a.r.y

i wish you were true...

i do like you as a friend.

but i think you've crossed my boundary.

for today.

Lord, grant me a forgiving heart...

and the patience and wisdom to deal with this...

i pray that i will have a big heart...

cuz i am too much of a petty person sometimes.

=(

i think i like you...

and yet i think i don't...

i hate contradictory statements.

=(

lovely and yet so very true...

A Woman's Answer to a Man's Question

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing 

        Ever made by the hand above— 

    A woman's heart, and a woman's life 

        And a woman's wonderful love?

    Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing 

        As a child might ask for a toy, 

    Demanding what others have died to win, 

        With the reckless dash of a boy?

    You have written my lesson of duty out, 

        Man-like you have questioned me; 

    Now stand at the bar of my woman's soul 

        Until I shall question thee.

    You require your mutton shall always be hot, 

        Your socks and your shirt be whole; 

    I require your heart to be true as God's stars, 

        And as pure as heaven your soul.

    You require a cook for your mutton and beef; 

        I require a far better thing. 

    A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts; 

        I look for a man and a king.

    A king for the beautiful realm called home, 

        And a man that the maker, God, 

    Shall look upon as he did the first 

        And say, "It is very good."

    I am fair and young, but the rose will fade 

        From my soft, young cheek one day, 

    Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves, 

        As you did 'mid the bloom of May?

    Is your heart an ocean so strong and deep, 

        I may launch my all on its tide? 

    A loving woman finds heaven or hell 

        On the day she is made a bride.

    I require all things that are grand and true, 

        All things that a man should be; 

    If you give all this, I would stake my life 

        To be all you demand of me.

    If you cannot do this — a laundress and cook 

        You can hire, with little to pay, 

    But a woman's heart and a woman's life 

        Are not to be won that way.

Lena Lathrop

Dear you...

Dear You...

thank you for calling me ‘honey’

sweetie,sis, girl, pretty and dear...

thank you for insisting that i should cry

thank you for understanding me...

thank you for being curious...

thank you for making me smile all these while.

thank you for walking with me through prayers.

and dear you?

thank you for loving me..

for encouraging, reminding...

and constantly reminding me of 

God’s love and faithfulness.

dearest you...

thank you for your prayers

for your hugs

and for asking questions...

thank you for caring...

you do not know how much they mean to me.

thank you for loving me...

which i can but only love in return.

darling you...

thank you for the journey we had for the past three years.

holding each other in love, prayers and encouragements.

thank you for always standing up for God.

thank you for being courageous,

for being a great leader,

for being humble

and for being faithful to God

dearie....you are...

a wonderful daughter,

a supportive girlfriend,

a loving sister...

what’s more...

you are an excellent friend.

i thank the Lord that our paths crossed.

i praise God for our up and downs

for He drew us closer to Him

and i am glad you shine for Him!

i love you so much!

and dear you... 

remember the whacky moments in the car?

well  i wonder....

who will be my next victim.

i miss you hanging out with you...

may the Lord bless our friendship

(and sisterhood!)

and may we continue to serve Him...

WITH ALL OUR HEART.

xoxo

cyn

MIA Mini Reunion...

our paths crossed..

6 years ago...

MIA Class of 2004

we gathered in Starbucks

MidValley

it was around 9.30pm

when we all met up...

ai hong and serene....

mei yean, huey shing and me!

 and the ones that we left our were...

Candy...Xiao Ting...Isaiah...Yew Hien...Evelyn and Yew Tiao..

sorry guys... =(

we talked...and talked...and caught up...

each one of us are on different pages of our lives.

but its good....to see all of us grow...

in our own lovely way.

instant shot taken by mei yean's instant cam...and serene's...

here's to us...six years of friendship...

and to my girlfriends...

yean and shinny

i love you both most!!!

and here's a special one for you shin:

for visiting us =)

lots of love and hugs Mickey!!!

xoxo

cyn

a summary of my sat and sun

sunday....

church went as usual...

rehearsed with children choir...

then went off for my 

student-teacher recital...

it went quite well...

then met my bro at 5.15pm...

took away dinner for aunt's kids...

after dinner....

right after dinner....

this are my two precious baby cousins...

                                                         the 'prop' is no other than good ol' amos~

what were they up to?

the made the most out of everything...

and i mean EVERYTHING

my bro was served as a playground to them....

cushions on my bro's head and tummy?

yeap!

they're there for the kids to sit on....and roll from his head to his abs..

RIGHT AFTER DINNER

lol

abel sliding out of the 'tunnel'

en-en trying to pose....

my bro... well..this was his reaction

<(O.o)>

Saturday...

i drove to Metro Tabernacle!!!

yay!!!

to me its a big accomplishment..

cuz i didn't knwo where it was...

and am just following my instincts...

plus...no one ever trusted my driving skills

at the Metro Tabernacle Carnival...

the carnival was held in the HUGE car park~

balloon for the laydee...

'sumo suit'...it's hilarious to watch...=)

hmm.....